Blighted Ovum

Our official diagnosis..... When we went in Thursday for our ultrasound they saw the same thing they saw the previous week. A gestational sac measuring only 4weeks 6 days with no baby in it. Sad..... very, very sad. I feel horrible for M&G... it seems we have just faced one disappointment after another in this entire year we have been working together. But M and I are both tough and both determined. We will pick ourselves up and look towards the next try.

Right now however we are still a bit in limbo because I am technically "waiting to miscarry". I have two options now that I have stopped the medications and that is to wait for it to pass naturally which could take several weeks, or to have a D&C. I have made an appointment with my OB on July 7th, while I would prefer to pass it naturally I also don't want this to drag on forever so I have decided that if it has not passed by that time then I will set up the D&C. I have started spotting quite a bit already and I am hoping that means my body is realizing now that the meds are gone that there is nothing in there worth holding on to. We shall see what happens in the next couple weeks..

After we put this behind us I would have to guess that we will be looking at anywhere between the end of August to possibly even October for our next try. It depends on how regular my cycle ends up being (if they dont put me on birth control which they haven't for the previous frozen transfer). It also depends on how many cycles the RE will want me to have before we transfer again.

We do have 10 embryos frozen. I think 5 of those are HIP (high implantation potential). They are frozen in vials of two and I think this upcoming time M is greatly considering transferring 2 to increase our chances at success. I am TOTALLY on board with that and hope it is what they decide. I know she needs to discuss it with G before they make any decisions, but I really think at this point it's our best bet. I know it greatly increases the chance of twins, but she needs to weigh that vs the fact that frozen transfers do have a slightly lower success rate, and the fact that this is our fourth cycle. I don't ask about the financial aspect of things but I can only imagine how expensive another cycle is going to be....

I must keep the faith. The RE has said that the fact that every time we have actually transferred an embryo that I have gotten a positive pregnancy test is great news. My body is accepting the embryos and certainly trying. These early losses are nearly ALWAYS caused by a chromosomal problem with the embryo. I can say that I still feel guilty, even though my brain knows it's not my fault. I just want so badly to give M&G a baby, I was hoping this time I was going to succeed.

But we won't give up..... As M and I just keep telling each other... "We'll get there."

Seem to be getting used to bad news

Yesterday's u/s was not the happy event I had envsioned in my mind. We went in and I was really hoping to see a little bean with a heartbeat and be able to share in M's jubilation.

Unfortunately what we saw was not that. We saw a gestational sac measuring 4 weeks 6 days. The unfortunate part is that we are actually 6 weeks 4 days. My head tells me we are headed for a blighted ovum.

The RE was somewhat optomistic, he said there could be several reasons for measuring behind and that he has seen women who are measuring this far behind turn out OK. But he also said he would tend to be more pessimitic about our situation than optomistic. He said the only way to tell will be to come back in for a repeat u/s next Thursday. If the sac grows and we can see a fetal pole and yolk sac and maybe even a heartbeat at that point then we are looking good. However if the sac looks the same we will then know definitively that the pregnancy is not viable.

So we are in complete limbo this week not really knowing what is going on. I am trying to face reality and know that I will have to decide whether to let it pass naturally or to have a D&C. I have not really come to a conclusion in that regards yet.

Please, if you have a few prayers to spare, pray this baby bean has a growth spurt.... I don't know how much more disappointment M&G (and myself) can take...

The dreaded "spotting"

I woke up this morning and nothing seemed amiss.... I got Paige dressed for school and off on the school bus.... went inside and to the bathroom to put in my progesterone.....there it was on the toilet tissue...... blood. Needless to say I go into freak out mode.

I called the clinic and told them what was going on, the nurse reassured me that spotting is very common in IVF and that since I am not cramping it's a good sign. It could be that the progesterone is irritating my cervix, or that I just had a little "leak" so to speak. She reminded me that in IVF your lining is super thick because of the estrogen and sometimes some just kinda leaks out....Unfortunately we still have to just sit and wait until the u/s on Thursday to get any kind of reassurance.

The good news is that it only happened that once. Literally there has been not a drop since the one incident this morning, and trust me I've been checking like every 5 minutes! It is just one more thing to make the agonizing wait until Thursday that much worse! I'm just going to pray that it doesn't come back and that everything is OK with the little bean!!!!

IVF is a crazy process... it's seriously enough to send sane people to the looney bin!!

Three more days..

I don't think I can take it. The suspense is killing me!!! Itis amazing how you start to over analyze EVERY LITTLE THING... is this a pregnancy symptom? Is that a pregnancy symptom? Oh my God, was that a cramp? Please don't let it be a cramp...... Bathroom 75 million times.... everything still OK down there?...... check. Did I just get nauseous?

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.......... I want to see the bean already!!! I can't stand the wait!

Patience. I need me some.

Waiting sucks....

So now we have no more blood tests and our u/s is not until the 18th...... I think this wait has by far been the worst yet..... at least after the transfer you can amuse yourself by peeing on a million sticks while waiting till the blood test. Now I know what I'll see if I pee on a stick! It's now the waiting and wondering if everything is progressing as it should be. Will we really see that little bean and a little heartbeat next week? The suspense is enough to drive you nuts!

I am more nervous about this upcoming appointment than anything so far. M&G are so excited and it is nerve wracking until we see that everything is as it should be, and since I have always been someone who has little to no early pregnancy symptoms I can't even reassure them at this point by saying I "feel" pregnant.....

Oh please make this week go by!!